the rat

I woke Rivers up at 3am this morning to check out what/who was splashing water around in the bathroom. At first I was sure it was a burglar, but once the haze of early-morning waking wore off, I realized that it was highly unlikely that someone had broken into our house to play with the water in our toilet. And if someone had been inclined to do such a thing, we probably would have no reason to fear him/her.

Rivers: Will you come with me?
Steph: No, I'm too scared. I got your back, though.
Rivers: Okay fine. (Gets out of bed and bravely peeks into the bathroom).
Rivers: Steph, come here!

My heart pounding, I get out of bed and creep into the bathroom to find a grey rat frantically trying to jump out of the toilet.

Rivers: What are we supposed to do?
Steph: I don't know!
Rivers: Should we flush him down?
Steph: No!! Are you serious? (memories of my beloved pet rats from high school were flashing through my head.) Anyways, he probably wouldn't even fit down the hole. Hold on, I'll go get something...

Inspired by my dad who caught a flying squirrel with ovens mitts and a pot when I was in 5th grade, I return to the bathroom with a saucepan.

Rivers: No. Uh-uh. We are NOT using that.
Steph: Why not? That's what my dad did.
Rivers: Do you know how many diseases rats carry?

I shrug my shoulders. I don't see the big deal. Rivers goes to get a big dustpan from the kitchen, but just as he returns, the rat successfully jumps out of the toilet. I have to admit, I was silently cheering for the little guy. Still, we both chased after him with our rat-catching paraphanelia but alas, he was too quick and escaped into the dark abyss underneath the fridge. Rivers grabbed some sort of large stick and started sweeping underneath it to try and force the creature out. I instinctively grabbed a larger boiling pot.

Rivers: No! We're not gonna use that!
Steph: Why not? I'll just put it on top of him when he runs out. It won't even touch him.
Rivers: No, Steph. Rats carry trichtenosis.
Steph: Okay, fine. I'll use this empty formula can. But just so you know, I'll have less of a chance of catching him.

After a few minutes of unsuccessful sweeping, Rivers gave me a defeated look.

Rivers: Where did he go?
Steph: Maybe there's a hole and he crawled up it.
Rivers: A hole in the fridge?
Steph: Hmm. Good point...I can make a trail of cheese leading outside...?
Rivers: But I like cheese.
Steph: I'll just use a little bit. It always worked for my hamsters.
Rivers: Okay, just little pieces though. And don't use the good cheese!

In the end we agreed to leave a trail of parmesan cheese leading from the fridge out to the backyard. We felt good about it and went back to bed.

(Lying in bed)

Rivers: Wild rats are really dangerous, you know.
Steph: I know. That's why Lady got kicked out of her house...because she didn't catch the rat that was headed for the baby's room. (Lady and the Tramp)
Rivers: Exactly.

As I woke up this morning, it occured to me that "a trail of parmesan cheese leading out" was subjective, and to any wild animal outside, it would look like a tasty, cheesy trail leading into a warm house. Oh well, can't win 'em all...