Time

Some days time is a malicious beast forcing me to watch the hours and days crawl by with a broken heart. Then there are moments that time is stagnant, and it seems like just yesterday I was feeling his weekend beard on my cheek, or running to greet him from the 6:10 train ride home.

You may think that time works to eventually reveal a mended wound, like a band aid slowly removed. But truth be told, the emptiness never really goes away. Time just covers the hole with new thoughts and memories, when underneath the patch, a void remains like a punched wall repaired with putty. The heart becomes a piece of punctured drywall. Its structural integrity is compromised by a blow so forceful it brings hollowness.

Most days I try to forget by allowing time to work its redundant splendor; the numbness is relief to his memory. Still, some days I can feel his presence urging me to remember his throaty laugh, his contagious smile, his broken-handled comb, his out-dated haircut, his tool belt, his handstand push-ups, his New Balance running shoes...Things that were long ago sorted-through, thrown-out or kept in our minds or in our closets. These times bring tears, but in them I find the beauty of feeling. I find the juxtaposition of memory and pain.

In my life, time presents a ruthless dichotomy. Some days I beg for its ability to obscure memory, like the eventual degradation of a photograph. Other days I courageously fight against time to preserve my ability to recall his face, his voice, his strength.

But at the end of each day, regardless of time as friend or foe, I lie in bed and miss him.

When you wish upon a star...

My birthday was the best birthday of all the birthdays because some of my wildest dreams came true.

It started with a nice, late 7:30 wake-up thanks to Harper's intuitive ability to know one of my main birthday wishes: sleep. This late morning rousal was followed by a gourmet, homemade breakfast created by my Executive Chef Thomas Rivers Puzey, which consisted of cinnamon roll french toast topped with caramalized apples, candied almonds and crushed bacon bits. Ummmm... yeah. Delicious. After finishing this low calorie meal, Rivers ordered me to check my email. Strange, I thought, but did as he said nonetheless. Here's the message I found :

Dear Steph,

Good morning. In a short time Lindsay is going to come over and take you on an outing for the day. Your directions are as follows. Enjoy all the rockstar you want. Lay out on the beach and dont worry about babies. Take Lindsay out for lunch at the place of your choosing (no annoying husband to embarrass you). Go shoping for all the things you dont need but want (power belts and stuff) at the place of your choosing, Target, Forever 21, Ross dress for less Etc. Your budget: $100.

Remember I love you and dont worry about Harper.

Be home for dinner,

Rivs

Now does that sound like a birthday or what??? Usually for Rivers birthday, I think of something that we can both enjoy (or mostly something I can enjoy, and hope he will too.) This birthday, Rivers was truly selfless by letting me do the things I love, but can't easily do with a baby.

It...was...awesome. Me and my ladies drove to Pearlridge mall and shopped it up, movied it up, and ate it up. It was a much-needed selfish day filled with overspending, overeating and lots of laughs. Oh-makeupless-one Rachel even let us cake some dramatic smokiness on her eyes. No one had a camera, but I was able to snap a few pics on my cell phone.

Lindsay can attest to the fact that I acted like a mad woman at each and every retail store, trying on the most outrageous outfits, including bloomers, risque cocktail dresses and deathly high stilhettos.

Then at night, Rivs took me out for a delicious dinner.

It was a great day.

When Dave Come to Town

When Dave comes to visit, everything gets a little crazy. And by crazy, I mean awesome. Normal beach days turn into artful displays of physical strength as Dave's enthusiasm to use the earth as a playground becomes contagious. His zeal for life and love spark in all of us the desire to live life a little more intensely; rolling around in the sand with abandonment, attempting handstands on the back of benches when all we've ever been able to accomplish before were flat-grounded teddy bear stands, and trying strange new health foods like fermented teas and Incan red quinoa salads are just some of the adventures we were challenged-to this past week. Even Harper was affected by Dave's infectious passion as she begged for more of his cayenne pepper-laden Gingerade. In fact, by the third day of Dave's stay, Harp decided to take two steps all on her own, although I'm convinced that Dave gave her an inadvertent pep talk beforehand telling her to carpe diem and 'live on the edge a little'.
It seems that Dave instills in all of us the sense that we can accomplish anything if we so desire (which obviously takes some practice, as evidenced by my ill-attempted bench hand stand below). Yup, life just gets a little better when Dave comes around.
Dave, you rock our world. We love you.

Harper n Parker Do the Zoo

Lindsay and I awoke this morning to the sound of tropial rain pelting our roofs and the shrill cry of sick babies. What to do on a day such as this, when the beach is reserved only for die hard surfers and melancholic teens listening to Death Cab For Cutie while basking in weather that paralells their inner angst? Going to the Honolulu Zoo seemed the only logical answer to such a conundrum, and so we packed up our quasi-feverish babes and headed to Waikiki.

Harper's not a fan of her stroller, so we had to stop at every other exibit so she could get some energy out.

The two girls were intruiged by the Llamas. Harper's new thing is pointing at everything. Pretty cute.

Unfortunately, the llamas were quite disinterested with the babes. Can't you see the dissapointment on the girls' faces?

She tried a few times to actually climb into the giraffe exibit.

Yet another pit stop.

It seems that I'm a lot more excited about being at the zoo than Harper.

All she wants for christmas...

Last week, Harper seemed almost uncontrollably whiny. It was as if our habitually mellow, happy baby was transformed overnight into a golam. To our relief, we soonafter found a tooth protruding from her top gum, which explained Harp's uncharacterstic demeanor as the result of teething rather than her being posessed by a Tolkian (fictional ?) character. Still, I have to admit that the thought of her being that whiny another thirty times (how many teeth do humans have again? At least we're not sharks) at the hands of new teeth had me a bit distraught. That's why I rejoiced with such furvor when I found not 1, but 4 new teeth growing in the lil' babe's mouth. Right now you can really only see the front 2, but the proof that all 4 front teeth are slowly coming into existance is eviodent when she bites into a piece of Lindt dark chocolate. Or when she bites poor little Parker's finger.


A few days ago, Rivs and Harp were caught in the rain. Rivs chivalrously shed his shirt (to the pleasure of many-a-TVA-wives) and put it on Harper to protect her.

Smokin' on a Veggie Straw.

Babies are as bad as puppies when it comes to begging for food. Also, we need a couch.



After we had ruled out golam, the small mark on Harp's upper lip had us questioning if Hitler was to blame. Luckily, we found the teeth. Seem them?

My Rockstar Recovery

I recently started teaching three classes at BYU-Hawaii for the International Peacebuilding certificate program. This, paired with a regrettably much-needed second job at the Coffee Gallery, a ten-month-old baby that has an affinity for placing perfectly chokable-sized objects in her mouth and a lovingly helpful yet very busy husband makes life pretty hectic. As a result, I am forced to interpret the WOW as I see fit by consuming all too many caffeinated (cold) drinks to enable the completion of class readings and homework corrections. Tonight the elixir of choice was "Rockstar: Energy + Hydration". Did it do the trick, you may ask? Well, let me answer that question by doing a double backflip, followed by a quick deep clean of my appartment and a resounding Oh-My-Goodness-YES!. The efficacy of said drink might also be manifest in the nature of this very blog itself; as I write about the Rockstar, my eyes jubilantly spring wide open even when willed shut.

Is this morally wrong? While you're deciding, let me distract you by showing you photos from this summer in Oregon.







See? I bet you even forgot what you were supposed to be making judgment upon.



Dangit.

Harper n Parker

Harper’s new BFF is a sweet baby named Avery Parker. Although their relationship got off to a rocky start due to Harper’s over-enthusiasm (made manifest in her attempts to squash her new friend in excitement by laying on her), Harper and Parker are now inseparable. Born merely 6 days apart, Harper has sizeable girth on Parker. But what Parker lacks in body fat, she makes up in her dainty, pure sweetness. In fact, I'd say that the two lil' babes balance each other out quite well. Not to say that Harper isn't sweet, but let's just say she isn't bashful when she wants Parker's toy. Or pacifier. Or food. Or hair. For the most part, Parker takes it like a champ, but her passive agressiveness gleams through her sweetness as from time to time, Parker will bite, hit or smack Harper in the face with a water bottle. When she does this, we all kind of silently cheer for her. Go Parker, go.

So whether it's eating snacks, taking in some sun, or knocking back a couple cold ones, Harper and Parker do everything together.